RAW Is SH!T

Monday Night RAW used to be the place to be for wrestling fans. Monday nights featured superstars who knew how to entertain and give the people what they want. Now however, RAW is the place to be to watch some "celebrity" plug their latest product or cause. Wrestling story lines have to take a backseat to the celebri-whores. Not that the story lines are worth two squirts of donkey piss anyway. You would think a wrestling show that once featured monster trucks smashing cars outside an arena, beer trucks driven to the ring for the sake of blasting people with wacky suds, and (dare I say) a WRESTLING MATCH every now and then would at least be somewhat entertaining today. Sadly, a watered-down, diluted, half-assed attempt at a wrestling product is what passes for WWE programming nowadays. If you don't remember the WWF (not WWE) attitude era, I suggest you run out and rent a pay-per-view from 1998-2000 and compare it to the abortion you currently see on Monday nights. Yes, it was a bit harsh at times, but it made people want to watch. There once was a saying that went, "Anything can happen in the WWF(E)!" Now the saying should be, "You can predict this bullshit weeks in advance!"

The formula for any given episode of RAW is almost as secret as the formula for Coca-Cola, but here it is:

Monday Night RAW Formula = Guest host appears, plugs their crap, gets interrupted. Guest host makes a match that no one cares about because it has been seen a million times. Cram as many lousy ideas and hellacious skits down the fan's throat as humanly possible. (Little People's Court?! Come the FUCK ON!) Throw in a 'Diva's' match that features mostly stripper looking bitches that are about as talented as ass fuzz. Oh, can't forget to include Santino's Comedy Club and the Chavo Moment of Humiliation! Make sure to disrespect Vickie while you're at it. And for the love of god, remember to have Michael Cole tell us a MILLION FUCKING times that we are watching "The longest running weekly episodic television show in history"!! Then, you tease the audience and make them think a new 'star' will be born, but of course that won't happen because we have to see HHH and HBK in every segment acting poorly and about as funny as having your left nut slammed in a car door, trying to sell us more useless merchandise (all while boring the life out of me). Hunter, we get it. You're banging the bosses daughter! You have "Ultimate Power"! Hey, DX! I got TWO WORDS for ya: "GO AWAY!" And finally, end with either a befuddled John Cena in the ring vowing to get back at "the man" for trying to rip apart his dignity, or a shot of a psycho looking Randy Orton who seems to always move slowly as to not squash the gerbil up his ass. AAAAAAAAANNND SCENE! That's it boys! Good show! Let's just keep poppin' 'em out like that Octo-mom!

The December 14 edition of RAW was a 3 hour show, and the crowd was dead silent for practically the whole thing. Vince McMahon came out and said they were a terrible audience, and asked if the crowd had "passed away" before the show started. No Vince, your product probably bored them to death. Just a suggestion: if you don't have enough entertaining content to fill a 2 hour show, don't try to stretch it out to 3 hours. RAW is boring, unfunny, not entertaining, and lame as hell. It's nothing like it used to be. RAW used to be the show no one wanted to miss. Trying to sit through it now is painful. It's hard for the fans to give a shit when it seems like no one in WWE gives a shit. I just want to scream, "FIRE RUSSO!!" But alas, you can no longer blame him for this garbage. Leave the kiddie loving PG shit on Smackdown, and make Monday nights RAW again!

On January 4, 2010, TNA Wrestling (on Spike TV) will run head-to-head against Monday Night Raw (on USA) for the first time. It's just a one time shot for now to test the waters. For the sake of wrestling fans everywhere, I hope TNA pulls big numbers that night. Competition is good. It brings out the best in people. WWE needs to get shaken up a little. Maybe this and the rumored return of Bret "Hitman" Hart (as long as they actually utilize him and not bring him aboard just to bury him) will finally get WWE to pull their heads out of their asses, and get back to what made people watch them in the first place. Chavo in a bull suit getting a frog splash from a leprechaun just ain't cutting it.

Oh, and P.S. Break away ladders now? Lame.

I'm Rex Delaney and if you don't like it, you can kiss my ass! *Peace*